In the words of the poet B. Spears, “oops, I did it again.” Sorry, that was an embarrassing way to start this.
So I had a Fender Champ 600. I did not like the sound of a 6″ speaker. I had a 12″ combo cab I wasn’t using. See where this is going? 5W tube amp into a 12″ speaker. Got an Eminence Cannabis Rex speaker. Doing a convoluted setup to create a 2nd channel via mounting an overdrive pedal. It will be silly, but sound good.
Moving into our new house in a couple days, so project will have to wait until we unpack most of our stuff for completion. However, I am desperate to get this one done (unlike other projects). I put my deadline at September 17th.
Stonefly is a hip little bar that makes their own beer and has live music. Nothing special. Their brunch, however, is something special.
In my working life I manage a couple people andÂ occasionallyÂ get to weigh in on decisions that impact even more people. Â That little power trip got me interested in these management articles written by Harvard blowhards. Â Lately the big buzzword is “failure.” Â They all want to talk about how failure can be this great experience and if you embrace it you’ll breed success. Â They are all fucking morons. Â They’re talking about failure in the most paltry of terms.Â Their idea of failure is when you propose a business decision based on careful planning and calculation and it turns out your calculations were incorrect.Â Say you estimated that undertaking Project A would yield a profit of X, when really it yielded a profit of Y (or a loss of Z).Â Either way, the results are undesirable, you made a mistake.Â However, thatâ€™s a mistake, not a failure.Â Itâ€™s a calculation error.Â You might be bummed that you didnâ€™t check your work carefully enough or your boss might be mad that money was lost, but on an emotional level, nothing bad happens.
And the success part of it?Â Even further from the mark.Â In their world, success is nothing more than avoidance of mistakes.Â If thatâ€™s the route you take, risk becomes negligible.Â You never expose yourself to the potential of mistakes and leaning toward the successful route becomes your defense mechanism.Â You end up defining achievement by simply taking the safest route possible.Â Regardless, itâ€™s a very disconnected experience and you gain nothing from it on a personal level.Â Sure going the success route is a good way to get promotions but a terrible way to really experience anything in your life.
Failure, on the other hand, is fantastic.Â But not the failure the Harvard dorks are talking about.Â Real failure is so much deeper.Â Failure is when you really expose yourself and pour all your emotional energy into something that you end up hating.Â It has nothing to do with the perception of others, itâ€™s completely internal.Â Failure is like jumping off a bridge believing there is a net below to catch you, and it turns out thereâ€™s nothing more than the sudden force of your body slamming into concrete.Â Failure is when you really try to let out who you are on the inside, and youâ€™re not happy with the person you meet.Â It doesnâ€™t have to be so dramatic, but thatâ€™s the idea.Â Failure can happen on a much smaller scale, but it has to be a personal experience.Â Tomorrow I might read this post that Iâ€™m finding so profound at this moment and think itâ€™s gibberish.Â I might think Iâ€™m just trying to make excuses for anything Iâ€™ve created that others have thought wasnâ€™t enjoyable.Â But then again, maybe not.
I think Iâ€™m on to something.Â I realize I donâ€™t know everything, I donâ€™t have it all figured out.Â And I donâ€™t want to get into this comfort zone where I stick to the things Iâ€™m good at, where I always go the route with the greatest chance of success.Â I want to fail.Â I want to create things that I hate, that Iâ€™m ashamed of.Â I want to keep creating new art that I donâ€™t think is good enough because I believe someday it will drive me to create something I am satisfied with.Â I think itâ€™s the only way I can find a way to create something of substance.Â Sure I could really focus on whatâ€™s successful and maybe I could be the next guy with a CD on top 40 radio.Â Or I could keep attempting to find what is really buried inside my brain and end up creating something Iâ€™m proud of.
Without leaving the couch.
I was approached by a nervous, yet for friendly young lady. She would very much like it I attended a play at her church. I will not. But it was a charming bit of persuasion nevertheless.
There is a mall of sorts in north Austin called the Domain. It’s one of those big mixed use development communities that features apartments, an outdoor mall, trendy/upscale chain restaurants, etc etc. It’s fairly large, covered several square blocks. There are respectable places and even people that go there, but that’s the minority. Mostly, I hate everything about it. In fact, when I’m extremely bored and need to waste like 30 minutes while out and about, I occasional stop there. I get some sick satisfaction of sitting in one of the common areas and thinking about how much I hate it there. It is somehow cleansing, like if I feel I’m turning into too big of a snob or losing touch with reality, this e calms me. It’s like watching a year worth of Real Housewives of _____ in a condensed 30 minute shot. I get so disgusted with society at this place that eventually I reach a state of calm and can start focusing on what I really think is important. If course, that only lasts a short while until some jackass asks if I’m the valet.